Feelings,Thoughts and Interests.......

'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' Game Show Terror!

2011-08-17T18:23:00.021+01:00

One evening, while the other half was boring me to death watching football, I decided to have a look at game shows and how to apply for one. I had always considered myself to be the font of all useless quiz knowledge, and so decided I might as well put it to good use and earn some cash!!

I logged on and did a quick search, a few sites came up directing to me to tv channel shows and then 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' caught my eye! I was an avid fan of the program and had shouted at the TV for a number of years, "if I could only get my arse in that seat" so I thought I would give it a go and be a millionaire!

The instructions were 'to write about why you would make the show interesting in 200 words or less' an easy task for me, the women with a writing talent, ridiculous surname and a colourful and random job CV.

The content contained the theme of Chipchase (my name) having previously owned a chipshop (Chapel Chipshop) and my other side line job of being the astrologer for the Rochdale Observer, having Astrodawn as an alias. I funnied it up, counted the words to 198 and clicked send.

I knew that thousands of people applied every week, some making it a part time job, and to be honest forgot all about it.

Life carried on as normal, approximately 5 weeks later after just getting in from work, my mobile rang. "Hello, is this Dawn Chipchase? We are ringing from Who wants to be a Millionaire, you have been chosen along with 100 people, from 3,800, are you still interested in coming on the show?" Was I interested?? I went from a few seconds stunned silence, to a permanent ecstatic excitement.

The next process of the 100 to 10 involved a trip to Newcastle, for a camera interview with 3 producers from the show.

I sat waiting with the other 100 potential contestants, for my turn to go 'into the room' I walked into an X factor situation with 3 producers and cameras on me, they asked a couple of things regarding what I had written on my application, and the astrology aspects, now I have to mention when I'm nervous I turn into a stand up comedian, a natural banter flowed between me and the man in the centre, and I walked out thinking, well if that didn't go well, give up!

I returned back to normal life and waited, hoping, hoping, hoping........ Then the phone call came, "Dawn you have been chosen, can you come to London for a few days to film the show"

After being screened for a criminal background, being told what I could and couldn't wear, and having a short biography done, I arrived at Elstree Film studios, in London in an over excited state, I was placed in my own changing room, and asked to complete my 'phone a friend' list, before being took into the main studio for an afternoon practice run.

We were all given a chance to get onto the chair, which wasn't easy being very high, we were given a talk, then had a tutorial trial of waving at the camera, easy just wave when they say the person before yours name and then 2 chances at 'fastest finger first'

I won it twice, after that my heart rate was at maximum, I could feel the adrenaline rising fast, and I went off to get ready...........sweating, over excited, and shaking.

A couple of hours later, we were stood in the corridor, I could hear the audience, and panic stuck, what if I got in the chair and all the people from my past saw me with sweaty ring armpits!!!!!! I thought quickly, and asked to go to the toilet. I then decided it would be a good idea to roll up large amounts of toilet rolls and place them under my armpits to reduce my sweat ring terror. The plan being, to remove them and throw them under the chair, when the lights went down, just before the fastest finger bit, thus keeping my adrenaline excitement sweat under control.

It started to go wrong immediately, the wave in the afternoon was easy, but with an audience of 300 clapping their best claps, I couldn't hear and thus started to wave 6 people early, with the toilet rolls slipping, by the time the camera came on me I looked like a disorientated lunatic. The lights went down, and disaster number 2, I found myself the only contestant still lit up by the spotlight lighting Chris Tarrant (contestant number 9 always is I have since noticed)

I sat there trying to formulate a plan to get rid of the toilet rolls, with a huge spotlight on me? Fastest finger time......the question came I missed it by 0.5 seconds due to my second look checking.

The toilet rolls were getting worse, the light was still on me, I continued sweating and worrying about the removal, while I sat waiting for the winning contestant to get to £50,000 actually wishing her to get it wrong for another chance at the fastest finger. The plan for the second go was not to behave like a Capricorn and to just press as fast as I could.

fastest finger time came again......I listened I pressed, as fast as I could and mixed 2 up in my haste and'got it wrong' NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The show ended and I walked back to the green room, with my head hanging, still poor, with disintegrating peices of tissue, falling out of the sleeves of my top. I was devastated. I met Chris Tarrant who thought it funny to call me ChipShop, I spoke to the producer who told me to re-apply and then I set off on the long drive back.......deflated,trying to think that I had done well do actually get on the show in the first place.

Unfortunately for me I was a college lecturer, I walked into work with 400 students all asking me if I won, followed by a 'oh didn't you even get out of the chair' with an air a failed disinterest.

I am now called 'Slowest Finger Last' memories of that day have left me in a trauma state, and no I didn't reapply, I don't even watch the program anymore.

Has it put me off?? No way, Weakest Link here I come!!!!

Living with a T Square - Moon opposite Saturn square Venus

2011-07-26T17:38:00.005+01:00

Moon in 1^st house opposite Saturn in 7^th square Venus 4th

June 3^rd 2011 –

I am highly aware of the ‘unexpected’ events that surround my life, I have lived with them so long that I’d begun to believe that I had them in hand and was prepared for anything and everything. Yet I sit here, with my heart in tatters, feeling like I have had the life and soul ripped out of me. The love I had always feared giving, and which had meant so much to me, is now in turmoil of confusion, pain and rejection. I feel like a fool. I feel like a stupid blind idiot, I feel like my mum.

1975 – My dad never took my mum out, he never showed her any kindness or affection, he didn’t even use her name, calling her ‘ay’ most of the time. My dad had two distinct parts of his life one with us, of which he was doting dad, especially to me, and then he had his other mysterious life, which no one really knew much about.

I didn’t realise at first when he used to take me out with him on Sundays, that he was introducing me to his ‘other women’ Mavis. I actually liked her, but was too young to put 2 and 2 together at that time. She ran a cinema in Reddish in Stockport, she was funny and kind and made my dad look happy, she let me be an usherette in the cinema watching Saturday Night Fever over and over again. I couldn’t understand at that time, why I wasn’t to tell my mum where I had been. It was our secret.

1976 – We were looking forward to our holidays and instead of the usual ‘Robin Hood’ caravan in Rhyl, we were unexpectedly splashing out and going to Butlins in Pwllheli. We got there and my dad took me for a walk round to look at everything. To my surprise we bumped into Mavis and her husband and daughter Carol. The penny started to roll…….. My dad and Mavis were keen for me and Carol to make friends, this then led to an excuse of both families sitting together at nights in the ballroom. The penny dropped……………………………………. I started to see through my young eyes what was going on, I didn’t blame my dad, but thought he should have been honest and just left my mum, instead of making her a fool, sitting there all happy, while my dad was in love with another women right in front of her eyes, she was oblivious.

1977 – Feb 21^st

I was rushed in hospital with emergency appendicitis, due to complications I had to stay in there for 2 weeks. The day after I was admitted, I received a huge bunch of flowers, the card had no name on it, just hope you get well soon Dawn. My mum was frantic to know where they had come from, she actually managed to do something useful and found out that the flowers had come from the Stockport area. I knew exactly where they had come from, and while she stood there upset, I started to feel sorry for her. I couldn’t say anything as it would cause immeasurable trouble, and so I began to learn the art of silent guilt at 13 years old.

Following that all war broke out between my mum and dad, fighting, days of silences followed by endless screaming, mum wanting to know who this ‘women’ was. I knew, I knew all, I used to lie in my bed at night, heavy with guilt, mainly at the guilt that Mavis was nicer than my mum, but also guilt that she was being made a fool of. The stress and trauma of it all started building up within me, I couldn’t speak to anyone, couldn’t let anyone know what I knew, couldn’t let it out, and so I began to learn the unhealthy trait of bottling hurt inside and pretending I feel fine to the outside world, a trait that would become unhealthily self destructive with time.

For the following years, things calmed down and went back to ‘normal’ although my dad still spent most of his weekends at my nans, I was no longer taken there and was separated from my cousins and the only people who felt like family to me, from this point on I was on my own.

1993 – Simons Wedding

The big day had finally arrived for the royal wedding of golden balls and the insensitive nurse. It was a sunny day, Bev had a vast array of relatives at the church, Simon had Mum, Dad, me and Warren. My mum was in heaven running around excited, and so very very happy. As I looked around the outside of the church, I noticed 2 figures stood near a gravestone, as I looked closer in disbelief, I realized it was Mavis and Carol, the anger that grew inside me was incredible, I wanted to run over and shout for them to get away, that it was my mum’s day, to let her have at least one day of happiness. I felt devastated; I couldn’t believe the affair was still going on 15 years later, I felt all the guilt that had been long put away, surge back into me. It was all I could do to stop myself crying as I walked trembling into the church. My dad was filming everyone walking into the church, and made a loud comment, of “straighten your face; you can’t be happy for anyone can you. Stop thinking of yourself and think of other people for a change” What could I say?? I tried not to cry, I stood there blinking back tears, waiting for it to be over so I could escape out of that hell of a church. I was repeatedly reminded of the day I tried to spoil Simons wedding with my miserable face, for many years after.

1996 – I called round to my mum’s to borrow something one night, and she asked me if I wanted to see her holiday photos and videos of Cyprus, they had just come back the day before. As I looked at the usual holiday photos, my mum moved onto the videos, one of the videos showed a panoramic view of the inside of the plane coming back, as I looked I saw Mavis sat one row back, smiling and waving, and as my mum was telling me, who the new friends were that she and dad had made were including Mavis and her friend, I fell back into that world of guilt. I now dealt with that feeling of betrayal with an outward show of aloof disinterest. Again intensely sorry for her stupidity and the guilt kicked in. I was then accused of being nasty, can’t be happy for other people, could I? Just like at Simons wedding, I was once again nasty, unfeeling and selfish.

I wanted to scream in her face as she sat there accusing me, that if I was that nasty person I would have told her who their new friend actually was. But I didn’t, I shut up and left as once again the hard nasty outcast. It wasn’t a hard thing removing myself from the aggravation that was my mother, although I did feel a great sadness at the loss of my dad.

June 3^rd 2011 –

And that is how I learned what love, loyalty and companionship was about. My view of it all was highly cynical, mistrusting and false. I vowed I would never put myself in a position like that; being on my own was a far better alternative to living a lie which I could never tolerate.

The desire for the perfect love then became of a paramount importance to me. I believed above all else that there was someone out there for me, I just had to be patient and wait for him to come to me, and if he didn’t I would find him in the next life. I spent time with a few men, but ultimately I knew I wouldn’t spend my life with them as they didn’t fit all my worries of future happiness, and so I spent all my life single, searching for what I was told an unrealistic dream. I became known as a commitment phobic, the women who wanted to be free forever, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth, the only thing I desired and needed was someone who truly loved me for myself, someone I could love without fear, someone I could share my life with, someone who could give me a love stability I had never known. Shared unconditional love. That was my dream; I clung to a fading optimism as the years went by, as the relationships I encountered caused me more and more hurt and stress.

After meeting Simon in May 2010, I believed my luck had changed. My life was as happy as I can ever remember, we talked, we did things together, he made me feel like I was the most special women in the world, he taught me sex was more than a ‘roll on roll off ferry’ that it was a special exhilarating experience between two people in love, and I walked tall, knowing I had finally met the man that didn’t exist!

I trusted him and loved him unconditionally, like he did me and that felt so good, so so so good to have someone who loved me for me, someone who put me first in his life, being in each other’s hearts wherever we may have been. Our love was everything to me, Simon was everything to me, and for the first time in 46 years I could see myself happy in old age, sharing the last part of my life with a kind, honest, loving husband, soul mate and lover. I had found peace at last.

Our relationship continued for the next 14 months happily, Simon had his individual interests which meant I hardly saw him during the week, I didn’t mind this as it gave me my own space time, but we spent all weekends together, and always made time for making love, no matter what time of day or night.

Then my world collapsed, just like that. 1 minute of space and time and my life was destroyed. Really it was the end for me, not of my relationship with Simon at that time, but the end of hope, end of trust and the end of believing that happiness was in my future.

Dawns Apocalypse – Moon opposite Saturn T square Venus (1^st/7^th/4^th)

Simon and I had spent a particularly, loving, happy few months. We were planning on having one of our drunken lush party nights together. I went upstairs to get something, as he went down stairs. He had left his emails on, so I decided to have a look what he had been buying from Ebay, as he had been spend thrifting that month, as I scrolled down, I saw an email from Simons ex Gaynor. I was surprised as from what Simon had told me, she hadn’t been a nice person, was always demanding and saying he owed her money. So to see an email off her I thought she would be threatening him with something.

I read an email that S had sent to her 5 months into our ‘blissful’ relationship. It said that she was the only women he would ever love, that she was right, and sex was just sex when you weren’t with the right person. He wrote about how he longed to take her out on his bike again, and generally poured out from his heart such deep love for her.

That night I tried to kill myself. –

Unfortunately, I am still here in body, but I am dead inside, the man I thought was everything, the man I would have done anything for, killed me.

Life Destruction - TR Pluto conjunct Sun

2009-10-29T09:02:00.005Z

30th October 2009

Over the past 12 months my life has been destroyed.
My best friend and only person that loved and cared about me died on 18th Novemeber 2008. I feel as though all my family was wiped out in one hit. The hole and emptiness I feel inside makes me no longer want to live.
I look forward to nothing, and cant see the point in anything. I go through the motions. I have a female friend who loves me dearly but she has her own life and I cannot expect her to shoulder my lonliness.
Even my son doesnt speak, we live in the same house as strangers passing on the stairs.
He must be more lonley than I am, he only has me as his dad died and has no one else no grans, brothers, cousins nobody. If it wasnt for him I would not be here.
There is nothing to look forward to..... my life has passed me by and im now living with the consequencies of my life, the life i have created and i want to get off the bus.

I am going to the doctors in 5 minutes, I have had to write everything down for him as I cannot speak, in fact Im finding it hard to speak to anyone on anything other than a superficial level where im jolly and joking fakeness.

Feelings - Love a Cynical Definition

2009-02-19T13:48:00.012Z

Love is the most sought thing after in the world.

Everyone wants to feel loved by someone, and many will go to great lengths looking for that special connective soul bond with another.

But what is love?

Is it just the combination of emotional reactions based on a persons particular personality traits, wants, needs and desires from life? Or does love tie us to past incarnations, with a true soul mate only appearing once in a lifetime?

I look out from my inner world at the people around me, at the so called love they experience with their partners.

I know only one person with whom I had that special unconditional bond that everyone else pretends to have, but I lost him before maturity had a chance to show us the karmic soul connection, many years have past but I will continue to look for him, he is part of my destiny.

In many cases it is the woman who puts up with undesirable obnoxious situations, falsely following the dream of true union.

Loneliness - "I dont want to be on my own"

Many need someone else and will put up with anything rather than end up being alone.

Is this based on an inner insecurity that they need another to feel complete themselves, trying to make someone complete your own inadequacies doesnt work?

Or is it because without another they feel outside what is considered to be normal. Some cannot stand to stand out from the crowd or be a big enough person to do things on their own.

Maybe its because with no one else to blame they have to start looking inwards to their own behaviour and only have themselves to blame when things go wrong. Blaming yourself or having the ability to reflect, evaluate and respond to your own actions seems to be quite beyond some people.

Financial - " I cant afford to live on my own"

In todays consumer society many people base themselves and their own worth on what they own.

Unable to build a true value inside themselves they compensate by needing a big house, a new car, a holiday each year, to them this means that they are now something. This means they will cling blindly to money and partners, the destruction of their relationship would destroy everything they believe to be of value within themselves.

On the other side of the coin some people who have nothing and dont want to put any effort into anything, look at others who are financially sound and think they love them, but the truth is they love their lifestyle and nothing else, they love their money.

Emotional Abuse & Infidelity - " He loves me really"

Mainly affecting people with low personal esteem.

These women in the first place believe that they are not worth much, this seems to attract a certain type of male partner, one who feeds and grows on watching and causing suffering to the person they have captured.

The 'abuser' loves his partner because the emotionally abused person allows them have a power, a power that makes up for huge inner failings, weakness and insecurity, unable to control or make any standing in society they are socially inept and can only compensate for the weakness by weilding power over another.

The 'abused' with low self esteem, begins to believe that they most probably deserve and have caused the loved one to behave badly towards them, its their fault the partner goes 'elsewhere' for affection. They then try to do more for them hoping one day they will recieve the love they are so desperate for, and of course when the abuser leaves his 'bit on the side' he always comes back so that must mean 'He Loves Me'

next stop Trisha Goddard!

Interest - Hopwood Hall College 'Fitness Academy'

2009-02-16T15:17:00.008Z

For people passionate about having a future in the Fitness Industry!
Hopwood Hall College, Middleton, Manchester.

The 'Fitness Academy' is a 2 year vocational course, set up and designed to give enthusiatic young people a large portfolio of industry recognised qualifications, with a 2nd year progression route leading to the full CYQ Personal Trainer Award.

The type of students we are currently looking for need to be dedicated, hard working, healthy and enjoy exercise of every kind!

The first year qualifications include:
CYQ Gym Instructor Level 2
CYQ Circuit Instructor Level 2
CYQ Understanding the Fitness and Leisure Industry Level 2
NPQL Pool Lifeguard Qualification
CYQ Exercise to Music Level 1

On satisfactory completion of year 1 the progression on to the 2nd year qualifications include:
CYQ Personal Trainer Award (which includes)

CYQ Advanced Gym Instructor Level 3
CYQ Client Lifestyle & screening Level 3
CYQ Nutrition & Exercise Level 3
CYQ Training in Different Environments Level 3
CYQ Business & Marketing for the Fitness Professional Level 3
CYQ Exercise to Music L2

An opportunity not to be missed for those who want a portfolio of qualifications that can lead them to any area of the fitness industry!

If you are interested please fill in a Hopwood Hall College application form, you will be invited into the college for a presentation on the course and then given a date for some fitness tests.

The tests are not to see if your the next potential Olympic gold medal winner, but we need to be sure that your fitness levels are adequate enough for you to complete the course, and be able to join in all the activities planned, as well as being a role model to others in regards to cardiovascular and muscular fitness.

If you have any further enquiries you can email the lead tutor at:

dawn.chipchase@hopwood.ac.uk

Feelings - Departure of a Soul Mate (A Memorial)

2009-02-16T11:55:00.014Z

They always say:

"Live for today as you never know whats round the corner"

A statement which rings true for me I suppose after many unexpected events occuring throughout my life, I thought I was prepared for anything.
But you can never expect or anticipate the loss of someone who is embedded in your heart and soul and the pain and feelings of emptiness left inside when they have gone.

I met Andrew Larcombe in April 2003, he changed my life and gave me so many opportunities that would never have occured if it were not for his kindness, he gave my son the chance to have a loving father and spent many hours with him doing boy things, anoraking together spotting planes and super cars.

We split up 3 years ago, but he never left our lives and still carried on looking out for us both, always being there whenever unexpected events threw my life into chaos.

It was difficult for us to get into new relationships as the new partners had to accept our very close relationship, which was for most, something that they could not understand or begin to fully trust.

Andy was probably the most unlucky person ever in some ways, he was controlled by his domineering mother up till her death 18 months ago. Once he found new life and freedom from her, he inherited her house and spent 18 months renovating it from top to bottom, which was a massive achievement for someone who couldnt change a light bulb usually, he had also wanted a Megan convertible car, he collapsed 4 days after buying the car, 1 day after having the new carpets fitted in his house and 2 days before he was supposed to move in it.

Andy had massive strokes and ruptures to the arteries in his brain, the neurological unit at Hope intensive care, said they rarely saw a condition such as his, and unfortunatly because of the positioning of the ruptures there was nothing they could do, it was just unlucky.

I sat with him everyday until he died 10 days later, unable to speak or move even though he was fully aware of what was going on around him, he didnt want to stay with us and continually pulled out the drain in his skull in his own attempt to end it.

Memorial Speech:

19th December 1960 - 18th November 2008

Andy was the best friend I ever had, apart or together we shared a bond that was inseparable, his humour and wit, his kindness and support was present from the day we met till the day he passed away. He was a part of me and gave me the chance to be who I am today, I will never forget him, the hole he leaves behind will never by filled by anyone in the way that Andy shared his thoughtfulness, kindness and dry and witty laughter and jokes, and his well known practical birthday gifts.

He gave Alex the chance to know a father by showing him love and care as if he was his own, a part of Andy will live on through Alex , their love of planes, trains and every other form of transport will be embedded in his personality forever. Andy’s laid back attitude and care for others is part of Alex, as you always used to say Andy,

“Give me the boy until the age of seven, and I will give you the man”

Well you have done that Andy and I can never repay you for the love you showed him, and the role model you were to him, Alex will never forget you, and he promises he will brush his teeth everyday for you.

Andy only knew how to give and he gave to everyone equally, he didn’t speak a bad word about anyone, because he never saw the bad in anyone.
His pleasure came from making other people happy, which he did very successfully, planning Christmas presents months ahead for the kids, telling you how to get to every place in the country like a human sat nav roadmap, his knowledge of “Beat the Intro”on every obscure record that had ever been made, his satirical knowledge of everything on radio 2, always being there for you when things were going wrong.

Andy you were a one off, you will be in our thoughts always, we will talk about you and the things we did always, and there will be love in our hearts for you always, we are even going to get you a bag of crystallised ginger for Christmas every year.
We know you made it on the ‘golden escalator’ to heaven.
God Bless you Andy, we miss you and love you so much.

I know your still watching over us, and I can hear the odd word you say to me sometimes Andy, Fantabulous......you know what I mean, I will see you again, you and I both know that. X

Narcissism Part 2 - Happiness

2008-10-06T16:37:00.004+01:00

In black and white type, I wonder how I could have been so stupid to put up with him.
I didnt need him, I didnt rely on him, and for a long time I didnt even want him.
But those that know of a narcissist, know their charm, know how they keep you in an unstable web of emotional confusion, never making you feel wanted but never letting you go.

I have read that a narcissist needs someone to suck dry, and will quickly move on if they dont get the attention they need.

I have been away from him for some time.
I am currently a challenge for his ego.
I will continue to ignore him.
I will wait for him to become bored.
I want to feel free
I want to move on with someone who will love me.

Update: MISERY

I started dating a lovely thoughtful and kind man.
the narcissist has reacted so far by:

16th October: Forced his way into my house while my son was on his own and traumatised him by interrogating him for over an hour

17th October: Went to college to try and get me sacked by telling them a load of lies, he was told to go or he would be removed by security.

17th October: Ran at my car I had to drive through a set of red lights to get away.

17th October: Came in my house threatening to have people done over hysterically, luckily my friend was here and between us we managed to get him out of the house.

18th October: Me and alex had to stay out over night at a friends as we felt unsafe at home.

19th October: returned home to find my house windows have been smashed with a brick.

19th October: rang the police. Need to get a restraining order put on him to keep him away, have waited for 7 hours the police havent arrived.

20th october : Rang police again they didnt come

24th October: An hour before I am setting off for the airport to go to Uganda he has turned up at my house 12.30 am, I rang police again, I feel sick inside, i am now going away knowing a psychopath is still hovering around my home with my son and Andy in danger while Im in a country with no communication or contact. He shouted through the window that he had come to tell me he had changed and was going to marry me in 2014 that I was his soul mate and at some point I would go running back to him once I had realised my mistake.

Trip to Uganda - Pre Visit Requirements (Part 1)

2008-10-02T18:13:00.009+01:00

On October the 24th 2008, I shall be travelling to Jinja in Uganda for 10 days, with Agapao International Aid. http://www.agapao.co.uk/

The trip is being funded by my employer Hopwood Hall College in Middleton Manchester, the purpose of the trip is to help teach Ugandan children street sports. and risk assess the trip with a view to giving Hopwood Level 3 BTEC sports students the opportunity to go out there next year and help the Ugandan aid workers with sports coaching, letting them experience a life changing trip, to develop their skills and enhance their own quality of life and that of others around them whilst there, and also by fundraising on their return.

I shall be travelling with a group of 6 people. A fellow collegue from Hopwood Neil M (soon to be known as Bumzungu), 2 nurses from the NHS in Liverpool, a sports coach and Louise Chicot the head organiser from Agapao.

The flight will be approximatly 15 hours, travelling from Manchester with a stop in Amsterdam, then a connecting flight to the Ugandan capital Entebbe.
As this is an aid trip much of the allowed travel luggage weight is going to be taken up with equipment, reducing individuals travel allowance to just 7 kg, this must be packed in hand luggage only. Not sure how Im going to manage this small amount though at this present time!

Pre Trip Vaccination Requirements

Due to the diseases that dominate poverty stricken countries with tropical climates, a number of vaccinations have to be administered, ideally starting 8 weeks before.
This is what I have had over the past 5 weeks.

Yellow Fever – Uganda will not let anyone into the country unless they have the official documentation to prove that they are immunised against the disease. It is a single injection that lasts 10 years. It costs between £45 and £60 depending on the health centres administration costs. Can cause flu like symptoms 7 – 10 days after inoculation. A yellow certificate is issued which must be kept with your passport.

Hepatitis A & B (Combined) – Administered in 3 doses, over 3 weeks. Needs to be topped up with 1 more dose approximately 12 months later. This then covers you for Hepatitus A for 5 years and Hepatitus B for 10 years. Causes muscle pain (as though you have been punched in the arm) for approximately 2 days after.

Typhoid – Administered in a single dose, lasts 3 years

Tetanus – Given as a booster unless if tetanus hasn’t been given for a number of years. Lasts for 10 years.

Diphtheria – Given in a single dose. Lasts for 10 years.

Polio – Given as a booster in a single dose, to top up childhood polio inoculations. Lasts 10 years.

Malaria – Taken in tablet form, various types are available, although the surgery advised to take the Valerone type for being most effective. They cost approximately £50 for a UK surgery; however, Agapeo will supply the same tablets for a week before set off and have advised to buy them once in Uganda as they are much cheaper to buy. GP advised that because of the malaria cycle, the virus can lay dormant for up to 12 months and any illness such as flu needs to be seen by the surgery and Uganda must be mentioned.

Mosquito Repellent – Advised to buy a repellent containing 50% DEET, available from BOOTS, Superdrug or any reputable chemist, in the cream form rather than the spray.

My Personal Experience–
Whilst having the vaccinations, an allergy I have had for 7 months previously, which had been only mildly irritating and easily controlled with over the counter drugs, became debilitating. Open sores began to appear on my feet which became infected and the allergy left me severely sneezing, and feeling very ill with red bloodshot eyes and aching joints.
The GP prescribed high dose of penicillin, but the sore on my foot was still weeping 10 days later. Another course of antibiotics was prescribed along with an extra prescription to take with me. The allergy was also considered bad enough to warrant an investigation via numerous blood tests.
The GP maintains that the allergy was not worsened by the vaccinations; however I still have my suspicions.

Next - What I manage to pack into a small hand luggage bag weighing only 7 kg!

Thought - Large Hadron Collider Experiment (LHC)

2008-09-07T14:28:00.009+01:00

A topic I have thought much about....

Fear mongering doomsdayers, scientific reports, world governments, lawyers, physics and the highest minds in the world all come together, in this controversial, hugely expensive, theorised look and attempt to produce conditions similar to the creation of the beginning of time.

Although I agree that the chances of anything cataclysmic happening is very very small, I also have my concerns, these very miniscule concerns potentially have some serious consequencies (if it all goes wrong), which makes me wonder if it is worth taking the risk at all.

I am deeply disturbed by some aspects of the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) Experiment, although I seem to be in a minority of people who think it could end up in disaster. Maybe this is due to the average person not really undertanding the facts and physicists being blinded by their desperate need to know about the start of creation and our role in it.
Science is always in some form of argument with the human race, when its issues are related to 'being/playing god' as in embryonic cloning etc then something is globally done about it, and issues relating to ethics become big news in its attempts to stop it.

Being scientifically minded, I am all for science experiments, they are essential for all forms of progression, but what I find worrying is when science and man think they are bigger than nature, we should never forget that we are insignificant in comparison to nature and the universe, it needs respecting not reinacting, huge parts of the universe are far too complex for us to understand at this present time. I could compare it to an 'Ant' trying to understand a television, it may be able to see it, observe it changing and know its size, but it could never understand how it works, if it started messing with the electrics well Big Bang theory successfully observed by the Ant! R.I.P.

I read somewhere that man and science has done more damage to the planet in the last 60 years than has been done in the past 2000.

Splitting a hydrogen atom was once a good idea.
Re creating the moment after the big bang with the risk of creating Black Holes is now deemed to be a good idea?!? "Because they will only be small ones and will burn themselves out" says the Stephen Hawkins theory.

How can they be so sure with something like a Black Hole? Knowledge of Black Holes is based only on theory, the universe doesnt work to mans still primitive structured thinking. The nearest black hole is in the centre of Andromeda 2.5 million light years away, the figures involved with them is mind boggling, and the smaller they are the hotter they are, again was reading that these small black holes would be at a temperature of 10 to the power of 6 Kelvin, can the man made structures deal with temperatures like that? What if 2 or 3 fused together and became more powerful we could all be crushed.
There is also a chance of some sort of magnetic polarisation that just goes north or south and other things which could be catastrophic.

Have a look at this link, if you want to see the LHC its 360 degree pictures of the swiss & french tunnels/caves.http://petermccready.com/portfolio/05091901.html

This project has been underway for the past 17 years, with incredible amounts of money spent on its constuction.

Why then have 9 out of 10 people Ive mentioned this to recently have never heard of it?
Perhaps the media has decided against it for the fear it may cause panic and fear, but why should it if its as safe as they say?
Perhaps its because the astronomical costs involved with building it, would cause outrage while world is in such poverty.
Perhaps its just because people are not interested because there isn't a celebrity switching it on.

Just my own personal thoughts on the subject.

Thought - Big 'Brainwashing' Brother

2008-09-06T21:36:00.018+01:00

One thought (caused by a message in an email I sent yesterday) got me on the subject of media brainwashing.

In my teens, I became mentally engaged with the world of punk rock. A band (for those of us who remember them) called 'Crass' told about how we were government fodder with no minds of our own, born to work and die and as system wanted. This had a profound effect on me and my perceptions became re-tuned with a sudden new understanding, which forked my lifepath and led me to be who I am today.

I stopped reading newspapers, for news media is by far the worst of all. Most obvious is the way media decides who is useful for them, these people can do no wrong, loved by everyone, airbrushed to perfection, we are told who to like, the same as we are told who not to like.
My abstinance from reading magazines and newspapers, took away my knowledge of celebrities and private lives of anyone in the public eye, and many news stories.
Unable to avoid television, I viewed the adverts with a crystal clear vision of sly, deceptive methods and underhand selling techniques. The fake smiling families, the comfortable clean homes with the slim perfect mother baking a cake. TV telling us what to eat, what to drink, what to wear, what we should own, what we should look like, what to think.
I watched people around me doing what they were told, oblivious to the fact they were thinking what they had been brainwashed to.
I spent some time trying to point out the brainwashing to anyone who would listen, but gave up after realising my thought patterns must be functioning in a minority.
I didnt watch the news, any celebrities that I did see on TV, I recognised, but couldnt tell you what they were called or even what they were famous for half the time!
This freedom allowed me to form my own opinions, made me feel in control of myself, I took this theology into my daily life and rarely formed a bad opinion of anyone, unless they had done something personally directly to me.

I left myself verbally diasabled when it came to general workplace chit chat, as I couldnt always join in the conversations, but I soon realised that I didnt actually enjoy talking to people who were happy to be unthinking about the latest celebrity or public figure, people who in most cases were highly opinionated in the moral goings on of people they were never likely to know, while they themselves were seriously in need of being as moralistic about their own lives and the way the treated people close to them.

Mostly I felt like I was looking in on a different world filled with simple people, who seemed happy in ignorance. There has been many times, I've wished I could be like them, content to be unquestioning, content to live in the same place, doing the same things, with the same people, year in year out, year in year out .......

I often wonder what humanity would be like without the constant brainwashing that covertly engulfs the western world.
Would the greed of consumerism be replaced by another evil?
Would people start to deal with the problems in their own lives instead of hiding behind the 'tuts' of morality directed at 'Jerry Springer' type shows and celebrities?
I myself, feel people would be happier just for the sheer fact they wouldnt have to live up to the impossible ideals set by the Big Brother.
How many feel the shame of not being the right body size, not having the glamorous job, not having the latest home fashion. Children are bullied for not wearing the right brand trainers.

The internet is the font of all knowledge if used wisely, but is a deadly unknown entity in its future development, it will take and already has in certain ways, brain manipulation and control to new levels.

How do i know this? Because even 'I' the long time media anarchist has a FACEBOOK account.

(

Feelings - Loss & the Narcissistic View

2008-09-03T19:02:00.012+01:00

(A post written in September 08 resurrected to remind me of how bad the narcissist is to my life and emotional well being)

A collegue died suddenly today.

The tears shared by all that knew him, and the heart felt sorrow for his family, left us united in feeling numb and dazed, sad at the loss and bewildered by the inexplicability of the passing of one so hard working and health-conscious.

Stunned and very upset, stupidly hoping to be comforted by my personality disordered partner.
The narcissist proclaimed that "everyone had to die the world is shit, and thats how it is"
He then self induced black rage from no where, rantings that 'I didnt support him and who was most important him or my friend that had just died'.
I was accused of being nasty and must be 'due my period' for being so horrible to him, he came at me with crazed eyes and then stopped, the alter ego emerged, said he loved me and that I should try and understand what he is going through and that he has troubles, while all I care about is myself, I was selfish and the whole world was about me. The narcissist stated he was not a 'emotional charity' and refused to waste anytime pampering my attention seeking behaviour over a dead person, when he has needs that I dont care about.

Did I argue? There is no point.
The narcissist doesnt take kindly to any view other than his own.
I sat quietly as I always do in this situation.
Nodding when I'm supposed to to pacify his erratic rantings.
Empty.
I told him quietly to leave and get out of my house - will he go?

First he will try to 'charm' me,
Then he will make me live 'walking on eggshells'
Then he will act as though he could commit 'suicide'
Then he will dissapear for 4 or 5 days.
Then he will return as though nothing has happened.

My perspective on life altered greatly today.
Knowing what is important and what is not is raw and real.
Once he leaves the house I will be free of him once and for all.

Peace be with you Paul.
You will be missed by us all, a legend in football and oversized kit fashion.
Keep following the procedures.

Thought - If Cats Could Talk.........

2008-09-01T22:14:00.001+01:00

ARIES – I'm the boss, serve me.

TAURUS - The more attention I get, the more I want. You may have to hire another slave for me.

GEMINI - I will tear round the house smashing ornaments at 3 a.m., infest the house with fleas, and bite your friends when they come to visit.

CANCER - Come home from work, I want to sit on your knee, can you tickle me, oh stop that now Im getting annoyed! ohhh look at the moon, mousey mousey where are you?

LEO - Go out and earn money to keep me in the style to which I intend to become accustomed.

VIRGO -I need Evian water, changed at least six times per day, chilled but not too cold. Any food offerings that you make, no matter how expensive, will be turned down if I think there is a chance that I can scrounge the three day old bread that next door put out for the birds.

LIBRA -

SCORPIO - Don't you dare wake me, I know where you sleep, and will get revenge - claw type bloody revenge!

SAGITTARIUS -If you ever find out that it was me who bit your mother's thumb, I'll have to claim that she woke me up when I was having a bad dream!

CAPRICORN - I might just accept you as slave, if you behave yourself.

AQUARIUS - What???????

PISCES - When I've had enough of being pampered, please send me to my next reincarnation, where I look forward to being satisfactorily served once more.